Maybe not...

I'm beginning to second guess my move to Cary.

On one hand, I've got a new place to live, and new people to meet. And in the other, I've got so much that I'd be leaving behind.


And I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to make that transition. I'm almost two weeks into this new "phase" of my life, and it's not getting any easier. I haven't been able to stop thinking about things I don't want to think about; I've been having dreams about things I don't want to dream about. And that's pretty terrible.

Almost everything I used to enjoy has taken a backseat, aside from my guitar playing, which gets my mind off of things rather easily. My horrible World of Warcraft addiction is no longer an addiction, which depending on how you look at it, could be a good thing. I more or less play it for the "company" of my virtual band of brothers, who are awesome by the way. (Colin, Joel, Kiho, Nick: You guys rule, and thanks for sticking with me through all of this.)

I will admit my non-virtual life has gotten a lot busier, which is a great feeling. If I idle for too long, I sit around and think too much, and right now, thinking is the last thing I want to do. I feel like I need to constantly have someone with me, or else I'm going to just fall apart. And I'm glad to have great friends who understand that and have stuck by me for the past week. (LJ, you've helped more than you really needed to, and I couldn't ask for a better friend.)



And I'm not sure if perhaps this was by coincidence, but I randomly got in touch with an old friend the other day who I've probably been trying to find/contact for the last two years or so. The fact that this happened now of all times is very bizarre, and I'm almost dumbfounded by this extremely crazy coincidence. She and I were very close for about two years, before that relationship fell apart, and it's been five years since we've seen or spoken to each other.

Until the other day, of course.

We sent each other long letters of apologies and forgiveness, and spent a good two or three hours catching up on life (something I seem to be doing a lot lately) and wondering how each of us has changed over the past five years. We said some things that just needed to be said for a long time, and maybe even a few things that could have waited a couple of weeks, considering my state of mind. It's incredible how a feeling you've forgotten about for so long can creep back into your stomach and make you feel like a kid again.


I'm not sure what that means. It could just be because I'm feeling vulnerable right now.



Anyways, I've got a big weekend/week ahead of me. Heading up to LJ's Saturday night and staying until Sunday morning, then it's off to Fairfax until Wednesday!


God, I need this weekend so bad. :/


Blaaaaah. Peace.